Reflections and invitations for a Monday
My daughter Anna turned three last week and I have been reminded daily of how monumental it feels, and how bittersweet. So many of us are feeling the heavy weight of conflicting feelings: gratitude and guilt.
The seasons have shifted and I find myself holding her more often and for longer periods of time. I feel a deep sense of gratitude for the three years I’ve had with this curious, intelligent, and kind little girl. But that joy and gratitude is wrapped in an aching sense of guilt as I witnessed the agony of another mass shooting, the terror and violence in Israel and Gaza, and the grief in diasporas around the world as mothers worry about what war means for the safety of their loved ones. As I wished for safety and peace for others, I realized I’m in need of my own care, too.
On the morning of her birthday, Anna woke up inexplicably at 2:37am. For parents of little ones this isn't an unfamiliar occurrence, but this time felt different. No matter what we tried, she would not stop crying. After about 20 minutes which felt like an eternity, she sat in our bed and I decided to turn on the lamp. Shocked, she looked me in my eyes and realized that I was calm. I remembered to breathe into my emotions, the feelings of guilt and gratitude from the days prior still omnipresent. I realized it was comforting for us to be present with each other. I'm not alone and she's not alone.
I told her "It's ok to cry, Anna. I'm right here and we don't have to go back to sleep just yet, should we read a book?" she curled into my arms and fell asleep minutes after.
Mindfulness has taught me that I can turn toward my emotional experience, and that I can hold it all.
It lets me know when I’m judging myself, and that awareness alone helps me to let go of judgment...It helps me to see the beliefs beneath my emotions and to see them as real but not necessarily true...It lets me know I’m not alone in my experience.
Everything we do at Community Mindfulness Project is grounded in science, in this case the science of pre-eminent self-compassion researchers, Kristin Neff and Chris Germer. As their research into self-compassion shows, we resource ourselves when we...
Open without judgment to our own struggles and emotional experience,
Sense into the fact that we are not alone in our experience, and then
Offer ourselves reassurance and care, speaking to ourselves the way we would to a friend or loved one,
Or said another way, as I like to recall from our self compassion guided meditation, we resource ourselves when we allow space to give nervous system's a big hug 🥰.
I'm honored in this role that I have found solace for these times in working for a community-focused organization.
This work is a reminder that although the problems of the world can feel massive and impossible, especially in times of severe conflict and pain - when we care for ourselves, we can begin to care for others. As a friend recently shared,
"maybe a message for these times is that when the world feels too large, we must find our ways to make it feel small; to hold the world we can fit inside of our hands and tend to its gardens, nourish its people, and make space to center that rarest of natural resources: joy."
Inspired by Bryan Stevenson, when advocating and fighting for social change or justice, we can "get proximate" And that includes nourishing ourselves.
Providing access to the tools of compassion, self-compassion, and equanimity is critical to our mission. Preventing empathy fatigue and burnout is one way we serve our community.
If you may be feeling conflicting emotions today...Anger and love...Despair and hope...Fear and curiosity... I invite you to offer yourself limitless grace and self-compassion.
Perhaps select one or a few of these phrases that resonate with you:
May I be free from suffering.
May I be free from inner and outer harm.
May I live with ease.
May I be at peace.
May I cut myself some slack.
Repeat them to yourself. As a gift.
And if you want to join us in community, here are our offers to you:
Join us in our free weekly scheduled programming. We offer special programs that are free and open to human services workers (frontline workers, nonprofit staff and public community members)
Join us at our upcoming Intro to Mindfulness-based stress reduction course (starting January 3rd, scholarships available)
Reach out to us for a friendly ear on how we can help in your community
All of this is made possible with the support of our partners, donors, and funders. This giving season, a group of generous donors is matching every single dollar up to $30,000!
If you'd like to support us today, every dollar counts and means so much to us.
With gratitude, and a work-in-progress dose of self-compassion,
Ella Crivello
Executive Director
Community Mindfulness Project