Night Lights
In my early forties, I found myself struggling. Tasks as simple as knowing which button on the key fob opened the trunk of my car, or recognizing the street I lived on when I drove home had become challenging. Worried, I saw my doctor, and she ordered a brain MRI. After the MRI, as I headed back to work, I wondered what the results would show. The possibilities were ominous. I asked myself, “What will I do if it’s bad news? What changes will I make in my life?” What followed next I remember as clearly as if it happened 5 minutes ago: I stopped dead in my tracks and said, “Why would I wait until I’m sick to live a healthier, more fulfilling life?”
Thankfully, the results of the MRI showed no major health issues. Instead, I was diagnosed with massive, chronic sleep deprivation. All those years of late nights and constant travel, non-negotiable elements of my Wall Street career, had caught up with me. Over the next year, I honored my promise to myself and began crafting a life of greater balance. Now I get more sleep, head out into nature every day, and spend more quality time with family and friends. I still work hard, but I'm far healthier and happier.
Ever since that pivotal point in my life, I’ve been fascinated by sleep, and have endeavored to learn enough to make sure I get the high quality sleep I need to stay healthy. It turns out that sleep and meditation share one major attribute: if we attempt them with too much effort, they elude us. If we sit down to meditate and set a goal for ourselves (“No thoughts!”, “Bliss, now!”) it’s like putting our car in reverse when we want to drive up the street. The same is true for sleep. If we try too hard to go to sleep, we make it even harder to drop off.
Meditation, though, can help us fall asleep. Often, when we tuck in for the night, our mind begins to run in circles, looping around a set of worries. We get stuck ruminating, planning, solving, obsessing. This is the work of our Default Mode Network - a set of areas of the brain that start working together when we’re not directing our attention at something specific. Lying in bed trying to make the mind stop generating these thoughts is a quixotic exercise and the brain begins to associate the bed as a place for thinking and worrying.
Enter meditation. By giving our mind something to do we disengage the Default Mode Network, reducing the inclination toward ruminating thought. At the same time, we begin to disrupt the brain’s association that “Bed = Place to Worry”. So, how exactly can we do this? Here are a few suggestions:
Bed Is a Place for Rest and Care
When you notice that your are stuck in looping thought in bed, whether it’s when you’re first trying to fall asleep or after waking in the middle of the night, remind yourself that “Bed is a place for rest and care.” This is a first step in breaking the brain’s linking of bed and worry.
Next, let go of the intense desire to fall asleep and give your brain a new job. Nothing chases sleep away like trying to fall asleep. Instead of chasing sleep, choose a meditation practice that feels most called for in the moment.
Three Friendly Night Time Practices
Body Scan meditation - you can start at your toes, and become really curious about any sensations you feel there - pressure of the sheet, temperature, tingling…. Make your way slowly and methodically through the body, opening to even the most subtle sensations. You’re just bringing curiosity and neutral observation to a part of your present moment experience. It’s a powerful counterweight to mental activity. You can imagine the body reminding the mind that it doesn’t run the show. (A great book to read for more on this topic is Full Catastrophe Living, by Jon Kabat-Zinn)
Gratitude from A to Z - This practice helps us have a more accurate picture of the bounty in our lives. We can begin with the letter A, bringing to mind something that starts with A that is a blessing in our life and allow a felt sense of gratitude to well up in the body. We can imagine that feeling of gratitude spreading throughout our entire body, infusing every cell, and then we can imagine ourselves resting down into it, like it’s a warm bath or a fluffy cloud. From A, we move through the alphabet letter by letter, bringing into awareness even the most mundane objects for which we are grateful (one night I landed on Velcro for V and Velcro has made me grin ever since!) In this practice, we are cultivating a habit of mind that allows us to be more continually aware of the good things in life. (A great book to read for more on this topic is Hard Wiring Happiness, by Rick Hanson)
Compassion - Let’s say you’ve had a really upsetting argument with a loved one. You keep rehashing it mentally, planning what you’ll say next, imagining the consequences….. Take a nice deep breath (if that’s soothing for you). Now slow down and get gently, caringly curious about what emotions you’re feeling, and where you’re feeling them in the body. It may be heartache felt in the chest, fear felt in the jaw, or anger felt in the belly. Let those emotions be recognized. You may even want to say ever-so-gently to yourself, “There is fear here right now”. Acknowledge that there are other people, too, who have had an argument who are feeling this way, or have felt this way. Allow your heart to open to all, known and unknown. Offer up a wish, “May we all find a resolution to our conflicts. May we all reconcile or find the ease we need.” (A great book to read for more on this topic is Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, by Kristin Neff).
Even if meditation doesn’t lead us into sleep land, we will have used the time to train our brain to be more focused, or kinder, or more aware of the goodness and human connection in our lives.
I now know what I wish I knew then: that sleep is key to a healthy life, and that you don’t have to wait to make changes.
