Shame vs. Learning
Creative writing professor and long-time meditator, Heather Sellers, kicked off the graduate writing class she’s teaching this semester with a review of grammar essentials. As she moved through the lesson, she could feel the students tighten up.
Heather described the experience like this,
“Some of them looked actually frightened, like something bad was happening in the sun-filled classroom. Others were staring at the desks, as they never do. I smelled shame. Lenore (name changed) raised her hand and said, ‘I’m completely lost. I do not know this material. What’s going to happen?’”
Brené Brown, arguably the world’s leading researcher on shame, defines shame as "the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging—something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.” Can we actually feel shame over not knowing grammar? Yes. That sense of “I’m supposed to know this, everyone else does” can slide into, “There is something wrong with me if I don’t know this. I don’t belong here”.
Shame is learning’s kryptonite, and not just in the classroom - in all of life. Shame shuts down the learning centers of the brain. It is also correlated with addiction, depression, violence, aggression, bullying, suicide and eating disorders. (Check out this impactful excerpt from one of Brene Brown’s TED talks).
So, what does this have to do with mindfulness? Everything. Mindfulness is the practice of paying attention in the present moment with curiosity and kindness. When Heather brings curious and kind attention into the classroom along with her lesson plan, she can pick up on the cues that her students are sending, she can sense her own experience in the moment, and she can respond with compassion. She can head shame off at the pass and flip it into a sense of belonging.
What did Heather do in the moment?
“I paused. I took a deep breath. I smiled. I told them I was so happy they didn’t know, that it was job security for me!” [Notice how she used humor and a sense of play to put things back in perspective]. Heather said, “I understand how awkward it is. You are supposed to be teaching this material to your undergraduates. And you maybe aren’t confident. The vocabulary of grammar is a little tricky.” [She normalized the emotional experience of the students]. Heather continued, “We will be patient with ourselves, just as we are with each other, and we’re allowed to learn this.” [She reset expectations from needing to know, to getting to learn.] She concluded, “If you are in shame right now, your brain can’t learn. You can’t be in shame and be in learning at the same time." [She gave them knowledge that will help them as learners, and also as teachers].
“I asked them to breathe, shake themselves loose.” [She offered tools to reset the nervous system and let the brain know things are actually okay in this moment]. “I reassured them I’d be with them every step of the way.” [She highlighted community and support.] I told them “And it could even be ever-so-slightly fun.” [She reframed the experience].
After the break, she placed them in small groups, lowering the stakes, and they worked on their in-class assignment. “Soon, I heard laughter. I saw engaged students, hard at work. I smelled learning.”
Heather’s awareness, empathy and compassion allowed her to flip the moment from the shame of not knowing to the joy of learning. For a great article on another teacher’s shame-reducing strategies, click here.
May we all know we are worthy of connection so that we can learn and grow together and may we strive to engage in ways that foster connection rather than separation,
Your CMP Family
PS: Check out Heather’s riveting, beautifully-written memoir, You Don’t Look Like Anyone I Know, and find out more about her poetry and fiction here.
